Moment of Weakness

 

I had a moment of weakness a while ago when we have to say to our Pastor that we have broken up. I wanted to run away from all this and just make every pain and hurt to stop. I don’t want to feel these anymore. I want to skip all these and be happy.

But then I needed to face this now, I needed to be strong. It truly shows how immature I am handling this kind of situation, it truly shows I need to grow emotionally and spiritually, and sustain physical and financial readiness.

It’s true, I said yes to our breakup just because I don’t want to be a burden anymore, but I wanted to save this. The truth is I want us to talk about it and maybe have a solution before doing the big leap. This is what we did not do, we jump off our emotions instead.

Now I’m deciding for myself. I’m deciding to stop because I want this to stop already. I want to be healed already, face the storm so that I can enjoy the rainbow afterwards. I will do this not because he needed it, but because I needed this as well. I’m emotionally weak, I’m emotionally helpless. But then — when we are weak, we are also strong — in God.

This time whenever I feel something, I need to check it up on God. Offer Him what I feel and trust that He will control my emotions. I need to grow up, I am 0% emotionally ready right now and I needed at least 95% in order to be ready in an intimate relationship.

I will be selfish (in the right way) now. I will not let the breakup break me anymore. I will use this as a fuel to increase my emotional stability as well as the others. I need to be strong — and it will only happen if I put my whole trust in God.

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