I cannot fathom how God has always been good to me. In the misdt of this chaos, I feel at peace. I am not hurting anymore, neither angry or sad — just plain peaceful — and let’s say a little bit joyful. I have prayed for this for a long time, and I am overwhelmed and in awe of how my soul can be still even under the big storm.
Yes, I have finally embraced the fact that I am single (after contemplating for a long time- haha!). I have accepted it in my heart (for there’s really nothing left to do, I don’t want to be mentally ill!), that from now on I have no one to share my silly thoughts except for myself (dramatic, lol), and occasionally my new found siblings in God. It has been three weeks, and God is giving me enough reasons not to look back. Because everytime I pour my heart into seeking Him and His face, the more peaceful I become — the more blessings I receive.
I lost one heart yet I gained three more. Who knows how many I will gain in this new journey of mine? I know I am out of my comfort zone (hello introvert making new friends), but I can rest knowing that I am always in the comfort of God’s loving arms. I have my supportive family, who, in time, will be going to church along with me — another answered prayer. My family who is always looking at my back and is proud to have me. I have new friends who support me, who balances me the way I needed to be balanced; someone who pulls me back to reality when I am so much drawn into fantasy; someone who puts spice into my overly sweet and kind world — who is teaching me that at times you have to be tough for you not to be taken for granted; and someone who is very loving and compassionate, protective of me and my feelings. And most especially, a God who overlooks things in my life, who removes and adds significant people, the author, Himself, of my life and love. With Him alone, I can say I am complete.
Yes, maybe one day, soon or tomorrow? I’ll long for a hand to hold or for a warm embrace in this cold, cruel and unsafe world — but my heart will always trust God and His perfect timing. For there is something in my heart that keeps telling me he’s just out there and he is very close Wherever he is I know that God is preparing him for me, just as I am for him. Whoever he is, I know he will be the perfect complement in my eccentric personality. I know that, because he is God’s blessing in my life (and hopefully, I am to him).
I have yet many things to learn and whatnot. I have yet many things to see and discover. I am ready to take the leap of faith, to be bold just as when I was in high school — the girl who took the courage to ask her crush for a picture (yes a selfie) on their graduation day. I cannot be timid, I cannot be shy, I cannot be quiet — for I have to share the good news — my help comes from the Lord. In whatever medium, I will be used for His glory. Whether I sit here and write/blog my testimonies, or God-willing let me go to different places to be able to touch other people’s lives as well as mine. Who knows what’ll happen to me? Only God knows, and that for me is perfect.
Yes tomorrow, my tomorrow is uncertain. I don’t even have a face, even a name for my future husband — but all that matters now is that I seek Him, without any distractions. I seek Him with all my heart. I long for Him every second of everyday. I listen to every word that He says. I obey every command that He utters — for I know my future is full of hope with God. I know He will never leave me, nor forsake me. I will fear nothing, for my God is walking with me. I am not alone.
I don’t know where God would take me or how long this journey of mine will be, I just know my heart will be still and know that He is my God, my Father, my Savior, my Friend and my First Love.