Hola! I’ve been away for long. I know I missed writing too — and you too guys! (I hope you missed me too) I have been on a vacation (lol not really, more of a company outing which I got stranded or extended for another day because of the typhoon), then my birthday came along (happy 25th to me! Cheers to living for 25 years!) and love and of course life.
I will be honest, I was emotional these past few weeks but God is so good to me, He is helping me and picking me up whenever I stumble and fall cause of my unruly and ever-so-changing emotions. Healing? Yes I am in the process of healing. I am proud to say I am happy right now and content with what I have (which is still plenty, Thank God!) — my soul is at peace (though at times I think and ponder and worry).
Being emotional? Ugh! I mastered that for 25 years, and as of this moment that is not my greatest struggle (surprise!) and it is not what you expect to be, it is — listening to God’s small still voice. As you may know I am very open to my thoughts and feelings (that even if I am quiet I am very talkative in my mind, lol! Just notice how many side comments I insert in every post I made) so calming my soul and heart even just for five seconds is a bit hard for me and I’m glad and proud to say that I am learning.
One of the few questions (lol no, I have many questions in life) I’ve had the courage to ask God is “why I am single right now?” And you know what? He immediately gave me one specific answer that I’d like to share with you. He placed this specific answer in my thoughts and I cannot seem to shake it off since last night’s talk with Him.
One perfect reason why I am single right now is (drum roll please!)— submission. That’s right, submitting to someone. We all know (some) women are created with strong character (or we’re forged by circumstances to become strong) and submitting to our (future) husband would be hard to impossible. I think that is also the reason why it is commanded by God, because it is something that doesn’t come naturally for us women, we tend to make it work our way. “But hey! What would submission do with your singleness? You don have a husband yet, you just became single! Are you joking me!?” you might argue with me, well my answer on that would be — God is so good He is letting me learn how to submit (right now) even when there is no husband present yet, so that when he [the future misturrr for the future missus] comes to my life I wouldn’t make the world so so so (extremely) hard for him. He [God] told me (though not deliberately) that I must submit to Him first before anyone else. I mean, that’s just logical right? How would I submit to a human who makes errors if the creator of human, the perfect God, Himself I cannot learn to submit to? See my point?
I know, I know it might be confusing to you — but in my heart I know God is preparing me, equipping me for the near future. If you haven’t met me yet (which I’m sure you haven’t) I will tell you something about myself to have a gist as to why submission is a challenge: With a very intimidating aura may (probably would? I don’t know guys help me here! haha!) draw man away from me instead of to me. I am also outspoken and a bit perfectionist (ok! I admit, super perfectionist with a touch of competitiveness in nature). The “Me” package also comes with the urge of wanting to control things —see? — which makes submission really hard for me — but not impossible as God is teaching me right now.
Submit? Hmm? But how? Well for starters, I am greatly unsure of the future and I don’t know what will happen, only God knows. I submit myself to His original plan and I am being still (even though there is still really the urge to take control — in this case I am letting myself lose to God in order for Him to take control). At times I get stubborn (ugh the over-achiever-OCD-Let-me-do-it me kicking in) and that is when God is reminding me, “My dear daughter I’ve got this”. I know there is more to it than just that and I am still in the process of learning.
Not only the submission part but in many other things in life. I think God called me to be single for a certain purpose and He equipped me to do it — He is preparing me for something better and beautiful. Yes, it was a painful circumstance, but hey I’m still alive and smiling and kicking and screaming (lol, hostility won’t make it easy, really just submit) and I know God will make me stronger and will transform me to the person He sees me to be, by His grace. 😬