This might be question that once popped in your minds?
I have known God for as long as I can remember, one can say the perks of being born in a Christian family. Of course back then, you can only understand things that can be grasped as a tinsy-tiny child. And remembering my relationship with God, I can say it was more of a “Someone with authority-and-Someone who should follow the authority” — In an easier explanation, fear was mostly the driving factor between God and I. I was afraid to be punished ergo I will follow what He wants and what He instructed based on my knowledge in Sunday schools, family bible studies, story books and DBVS (Daily Bible Vacation School during summer, I missed this!). Even so, I know that God is love, I know that He loves us so much to gave His only begotten son. But understanding His love and it’s complexity or simplicity for that matter— that I did not really get.
Not until my teenage years did I understand that fear must not be the primary connection we have with God but love (harp music pleaseee!) — it was through a simple and harmless question of “How sure am I that I am saved?” did I get a good look of my life with Him, cried, repented and accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. That night, my life and my outlook in life became altogether different — I was changed.
Then moment I knew that the relationship that God and I must have is a love-relationship (with fear as well and respect), I settled with that limited knowledge and not explored more until the recent events in my life. I did not really grasp its essence. I remember telling in you in my old post how gentleman God is. He knows that it is hard for me to open up, that I’d rather sleep it off than to talk about it and hope that the issue will just die a natural death. He knew better that I was hiding my feelings because I am ashamed and insecure — I am not sure how He would respond with my negative emotions, that’s why I focused on the positive-look-on-the-bright-side-happy-fun-time-side of the relationship. I was not being raw and honest as to what is really happening.
Then it hit me, that might be the kind of relationship God wants me to have with Him — raw and honest. That if I’m mad, I’ll then openly tell him about my feelings. If I’m disappointed, I’ll tell him that I am and ask for help to process that feeling. If I’m happy, I thank Him. If I feel at peace and joyful, I praise Him. Slowly, I have learned to open up myself to Him – be vulnerable.
I realized, we don’t want to show the rawness of ourselves because we are afraid people would be put-off with our characters, they won’t love us when they saw how imperfect we are. But that us not the case with God. He wants us to be raw, imperfect, and honest with Him – and that means we would be willing to offer our messy selves to Him. Believe me, that’s what He wants because that is a chance for Him to work in our lives. Then later on show us how He can transform our messy lives into a beautiful one, if we let Him to. He won’t condemn us and make us feel ashamed, unlike humans do. He will release the burden and replace it with peace, love, and forgiveness.
Now, I challenge you to take a good look of how your relationship with God looks like. If you do not have that personal relationship with Him yet, ask Him to come into your life. Accept that only Jesus can save you from the wages of sin – death. That Jesus is the only way to God – not good works. Nothing is ever too late. Go ahead ask God, you’ll be amazed on how great the connection you’ll have.