This might be question that once popped in your minds?
I have known God for as long as I can remember, one can say the perks of being born in a Christian family. Of course back then, you can only understand things that can be grasped as a tinsy-tiny child. And remembering my relationship with God, I can say it was more of a “Someone with authority-and-Someone who should follow the authority” — in an easier explanation, fear was mostly the driving factor between God and I. I was afraid to be punished ergo I will follow what He wants and what He instructed based on my knowledge in Sunday schools, family bible studies, story books and DBVS (Daily Bible Vacation School during summer, I missed this!). Even so, I know that God is love, I know that He loves us so much to gave His only begotten son. But understanding His love and it’s complexity or simplicity for that matter— that I did not really get.
Not until my teenage years did I understand that fear must not be the primary connection we have with God but love (harp music pleaseee!) — it was through a simple and harmless question of “How sure am I that I am saved?” did I get a good look of my life with Him, cried, repented and accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. That night, my life and my outlook in life became altogether different — I was changed. Following my parents during the fear-phase was more of a hard task than it was on the love-phase. Only during that love-phase did I understand my parents love more as well. I was not rebelling anymore (you know, when you come to a point in your life you just want to pack you bags and go — while singing I’m leaving on the jetplane. lol) — Let’s say I have became more understanding than I was.
The moment I knew that the relationship that God and I must have is a love-relationship (with fear as well and respect), I may have settled in and not explored more until the recent event of my life showed me what kind of relationship He and I should have. I can remember telling in you in my old post how God is a gentleman (frankly, God is giving me the qualities I should look for a man and this happened twice already. Seriously, He’s doing that by becoming that man and showing me how should I be treated. How great is Our Father!) when he knows that it is hard for me to open up, that I’d rather sleep it off than to talk about it and hope that the issue will just die a natural death (that’s what got me in this mess the first place, haha) — so even in front of God, it was still hard for me to open up my feelings. I hid it all. The gentleman that He is, God made me feel comfortable that I can talk to Him about anything and everything under the sun (Since He knows me so much, God may have used my being outspoken to His advantage) — He did not jumped off with me opening up, He did not judge me for my crazy feelings, He did not blame me for such , He did not defend Himself. No! He just quietly listened and made me feel comfortable, that it was okay for me to tell Him all that the things that I am thinking as I am special to Him — then by the time that I am comfortable already He lovingly opened the delicate issue and we started talking about it. Looking at that moment, it is exactly the same way I would like a guy to pursue when I am having “the moment”. Anyway, back on the relationship with God, I was hiding my feelings because I am ashamed of it — I am not sure how would God respond to my negative emotions. though I know that love should be the center of our relationship — I was only focused God the positive-look-on-the-bright-side-happy-fun-time- side of the relationship. I was not being raw and honest as to what is really happening with me.
Then it hit me, that was the kind of relationship God want me to have with Him — raw and honest. If I’m mad, I’ll then openly tell him about my feelings. If I’m disappointed, I’ll tell him that I am and ask for help to process that feeling. If I’m happy, I thank Him. If I feel at peace and joyful, I praise Him. Ever since that day I have learned to open up myself to Him, to be vulnerable if you say. At times I know He is convicting me and I accept that conviction, ask Him for His help to renew my mind. Our relationship has grew a lot since then, I am now more open with my feelings to Him. I am just realizing now God is preparing me to open up more and to be truly be vulnerable — truly God is preparing me to the next and final one.
So if you ask me, what does a relationship with God looks like? It is raw and honest. And by raw I mean at times it is messy, and it’ s okay — one example I could give is being so frustrated that you just can’t do anything? It’s okay to be on that state. With our new-found relationship with God, we tell Him of our feelings and then lay it on His feet as an offering. Ask Him to help us process and go through the emotions. Also, just a reminder just because we can freely tell Him anything doesn’t give us the authority over Him, No! It just means we are letting go of our earthly feelings and such. Being honest as to what the situations makes us feel to become vulnerable God may answer us with something we do not like but is necessary for our growth.
I know this question has crossed your mind. Now, I challenge you to take a good look of how God has personalized your relationship with Him — thank Him of how good He is to know what kind of relationship you need. If you do not have that personal relationship with Him, ask God to come into your life. Accept that only by Jesus can your sins be forgiven and that Jesus is the only way to have a personal relationship with God. Nothing is ever too late. So, go ahead ask God and you’ll be amazed on how great the connection you’ll have. And you an also share your experience with me, I’d love to hear it.