When Your Hands Are Tied

“Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth.” — Proverbs 10:4

Over the days of February, I have been struggling to free myself from the chains of procrastination. It started when I discovered I had six months free subscription to an online streaming site (thanks to my carrier for that freebie, lol). At first, I never really wanted to use it, I was actually planning on ending the subscription by the time I learned I had this freebie (afraid that it is not really free, that I will pay for it on my bill, haha!) but thought I might need it in the future- or maybe my brothers will after sometime. I then, started with a movie, (just because I have spare time) then it moved to watching series.

Honestly, I have bad watching habits – when I start watching, I want to end it ASAP. Sometimes, when I found good series I tend not to sleep for 24 hours just to watch and finish it (talking about no self control). Knowing my not-so-good-watching-habits, I  got hooked with this online streaming site that I will start to watch from the moment I got home (yes, by the time I have changed my clothes I will start an episode) until 12 in the morning (or more, even though I have work the other day. I know). Weekends are mostly spent just watching – not doing any of the plans I made before the start of the month.

Sadly, instead of exercising, I just watch. At night, I watch until I feel sleepy, that when it’s my time to pray I just lay down and say a one-liner prayer. And horribly, at times I even forgot to pray (Even after finishing the book Too Bust Not To Pray, I know). When morning comes, my head will hurt cause of sleeping in late, and most of the time will I forgot to pray as well – ask for guidance. To make matters worst, social media came in to the picture, I became too busy with it that the first thing I do in the morning upon opening my eyes is to check my accounts. I was out of control.

It went on for weeks – I felt God and I was so far from each other than we were. I felt like He’s telling something and I could not hear Him, even a whisper or a nudge. During those days I easily got irritated. I get very impatient about little things. I was not following my diet, that’s why I re-gained the pounds I already lost. There was no self-control. I was using the time my father is home with us as an excuse to my behavior – but clearly it is the fruit of procrastination.

Until one day, I feel so tired and so down than the usual (I think it was God calling me out to go back to Him). God might be telling me that I have been gone for so long –  I have been lost in the world – that even my body is making a signal. I’m thankful God called me, because if not, I don’t know how far I will be away from Him (and we know what will happen). I’ve proven that it is not God who moves further, it is us – and it is by chasing our worldly pleasures. It’s quite disturbing, because it started with a seemingly innocent freebie then it became a bondage that is hard to break free. Truthfully, without God calling us out, and God giving us the strength to overcome these chains (whatever it may be), it would be impossible to flee.

“O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from this body of death? I thank God through JESUS CHRIST our Lord. So then with the mind I serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.” –  Romans 7:24 – 25

It was not easy to escape. For one, I have become so comfortable, that when you think you’re going to start all over again, it felt so labor-intensive. It seems like I went back to zero and lower. It came to a point when I realized, because of what I’m doing (or not doing), I have starved the Holy Spirit and it is not fruit bearing anymore – that is why I easily get mad and have no self-control. It was so demeaning that even if it was the middle of the week, I decided not to watch series anymore. Deactivated some of my social media accounts and then started praying to God, again.

That moment was liberating – my soul felt like it was longing to converse with God the whole time. I really am grateful our God is so good that He will never let us be away from Him. That He will call us out to you whenever you are lost.

With what I’ve personally experienced, I’ve learned to be very careful on what to feed to spirit. Because if we are not careful of the dosage, it might turn into a bondage that keeps us away from God’s will. Slowly, it will interrupt our communication with God, starve the Holy Spirit and then little did we know we had completely cut off our communication with God and we have been living in the world. Making sure we feed the right food so that we will bear right fruit. I’ve realized, procrastination seem innocent – but is deceptive.

I know how hard it is, I’ve been there. Remember that God’s grace is sufficient to overcome not just procrastination but any other chain our hands might have been tied to.

My prayer is that we would be wise to see what’s good and what’s bad for us. That we won’t end up in chains just because we let our flesh be the boss of us. I pray that God will help us and guide us, if in case we have been caught already. That our hearts will not completely severe our communication with Him, but will always long for Him no matter how far we’ve traveled away. I also pray that we will be mindful of what we feed our Spirit, so that we are to bear the right fruits.

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