Repaint

Few days ago, our house went to a not-so major makeover – we just finish repainting our yard. And now, we fall in love with its new look that we spend breakfast and even dinner there. The colors make it look as if it was new, though our house has been with us for almost 9 or 10 years.

Yesterday, while having breakfast with my family. I remembered the days before work completion and was somehow reminded by God about its similarities with our journeys and seasons:

1. You have to make a decision.

The repainting won’t ever happen unless there was a decision made. Even the color was decided first before going with the repainting job. Similarly, in our journey or season, either we are given such decisions or we don’t have control over the next journey that life offered. Though we cannot control the events that’ll happen to us, we can always make the decision to take the journey with God – holding His hand every step of the way. We have to decide that we will take this path if it if and only if God was with us. Any journey taken with God, whether be it decided or fated, we can be sure His love will cover us.

2. Trust the process

The week before we started the paint job, our house was turned upside down. My father took out all the things in our house, sorted out what are the things we needed and kept them, then thrown or gave things that were not necessary. Our house seemed like a dumpsite. I never liked how it looked. It was messy. But when you look at our house today, it doesn’t have any hint of that mess. And sometimes we are also in the middle of the mess. Everything is turned upside down and we are left frustrated, angry, and most of the times without hope. We cannot seem to see the end of the mess that we want to give up. I want yo encourage you to trust the process – that ugly, painful, frustrating process – because surely it’ll come to an end. And when you get to the end, you’ll be glad that you didn’t gave up. That the mess is necessary purging to something great. If we had given up sorting, we won’t reach the point where we get to enjoy breakfast and nice stories at our yard.

3. Trust the Planner

My mother, youngest brother and I searched for color combinations that’ll work with our house. I knew my brother knows the color that we liked so when my father comes into play with color decisions, I know he can tell him what color to paint. I never saw the color being painted until the third day. It was morning and I have to go to the office when I saw the bright blue color – this was not what I have imagined. I told myself to keep quiet as I can hurt my father’s feelings if I blatantly told him it was ugly. But I can’t help it, that I told him jokingly – “Papa, I don’t think it would work…what’ll be the color of our gate it our house is bright blue?”, then he calmly responded “It’s not yet finish, it’ll be good.” With his answer, I was a bit comforted – I told myself to trust him. Days after – I saw the house again and he was right, it was good – actually more than good. In our journey, we have plans and we lay them out – and sometimes those plans get ruined. Let’s be honest, we hate it when our plans get ruined – we then question God why did this happen when we already have planned it all. Instead of complaining, it should prompts us to trust the Planner. We love to complain, I do, and thankfully He answers us in calm and cool manner that just makes us trust Him. More than trusting the process, we have to put our whole trust on the Planner for He knows well what He is doing. His plans would never fail and most of all He will never leave us nor forsake us.

Repainting or repairing something maybe messy just as our journey, but if we take the decision to go with it as long as God is with us, trusting the process and most importantly trusting Him – then we can be sure to enjoy His work at the end of it.

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Take Heart

Hi! It has been more than 2 months since I wrote. I was actually going to write last December, but I got too scared and prideful to open up of my struggles within.

No one ever said this journey will be easy. If we are to look at our lives on a different view, I can say we are always at the target of attacks. Doubts will start to creep in, disappointments will haunt you at night, and the past will keep on knocking at your door.

There are better days, days in which you just don’t want to end, but that’s not the reality we are living in. I pleaded to God for help – actually it was more of ranting, haha! I was asking Him why I am where I am now, because I just can’t seem to comprehend. I’ll be honest, at some point I doubted that all of this is for my good – because it’s getting harder for me to see the good. My vision of a good future was blocked by the things in my life that doesn’t seem to work. It made me feel that I lack in all aspects – I feel stupid, I feel like I won’t ever have good relationship, and I feel defeated. Everything doesn’t feel right.

I gave it a week to shake it off – sadly it did not and now it has been two months. Now, I can’t say I’m back, I’m still struggling and fighting to hear His voice and see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just can’t and I don’t want to stay long in this position.

He listens, I know He listens. It’s just that I don’t and I’m so stubborn to do it my way. He cares, because if not then we won’t ever have moments talking to each other. He waits patiently for me to talk to Him again. I think, His heart is also broken seeing that I am not at my best. As a good father, I think if we can exchange position so I won’t feel the way I do, He would. But then again I won’t learn anything, I’d just keep on having the life that I wanted myself that might just make me into a selfish person.

I know He is teaching me to let go and submit to His Lordship. He wants to transform me from glory to glory that purging of my old self is needed no matter how painful it would be. That I should no longer hold on to who I was and stop listening to the lies and declare victory because He is with me.

Even though life is not going the way I wanted it to be, or I am not where I thought I would be, or don’t have the things I need and want – I can’t blame Him. Because deep in my heart, I know what’s important is my encounter with Him, our relationship that gets stronger as we walk together in the valley of death, in the tunnel of darkness, in the sea of uncertainty. I can trust in Him and look forward for a bright future ahead. I trust and know deep in my heart that where I am not is not my final destination. Who I was will never be who I am. What my past, disappointments, failures, and even accomplishments won’t define me. Because who I am is already defined – His daughter whom He loves most.

And I don’t think any Father would just let His child stay at their worst, but He will teach them to stand on their feet. Just as when a father teaches you to ride a bike – at first you’ll ride with training wheels, but there will come a time when we have to take them off and our only guide will be our father. He’ll hold us and little by little he’ll let go. We then ride, wobbly and slow and most of the times we fall and cry and he’s there to help us stand. But we don’t stop because we fall, he will urge us to keep going until we can learn to ride by ourselves, no matter how bumpy, wide, narrow, or uncertain the road are.

I know that deep in my heart no matter the situation I am in He is with me. He has carried me before, and I know He’ll carry me through over and over again. But I have to fight and declare His goodness, grave, mercy, and love in my life. I have to decide that I won’t stay defeated, lost, and loathing instead I am redeemed, forgiven, and victorious.

Yes, I fell, but He got me up. I’ll keep going no matter what because I don’t depend on me but on God. And He will carry me through. 😊

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” – Philippians‬ ‭1:6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

You Are Loved

Hey girl! I want you to do something for me. Is that ok? I want you to say this phrase out loud – ‘I am loved.’ Now could you repeat it again? Nice! One last. Perfect! It’s one thing to know and another to understand that you, out of all the people in this world, are loved. Hopefully towards the end, we could come to an understanding of this phrase, I am sure there would be a realization that will blow your mind and will warm your hearts.

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When God Says No

I was frantically looking for a job abroad, towards the last quarter of 2015. I was thinking the pay from that job will fast forward plans in life – I will be able to save up and buy a house, then settle down (You know start a family of your own). Week by week, I’ll spend more than an hour looking and applying or a job – wherever it is, as long as it is not where I currently am, I’ll apply for it. Days, weeks and even months passed by – some will straightforwardly say – my skills don’t match the job – while others will leave you with, well, no response at all (as said on their disclaimer). Until one day, someone called me, asking if I can do an initial interview, right then and there – I was so excited! This is what I have been praying for!

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10 Things I Learned From My Past Relationships

I saw this post to make a “reaction paper” about your past relationship(s). Believe it or not, it is actually a wise advice. The truth is, I actually did that (long long long time ago). Yup, I wrote something that reflected who I am during the relationships. I scrutinized myself (I am harsh to me). I looked upon my own mistakesreflected upon it and most importantly prayed to God. I contemplated on what should be changed, what should be learned and what should be enhanced.

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