Losses are inevitable. As much as we want to hold on to these things, there will be a point in our lives wherein we have to let go – whether slowly or abruptly. Sadly, there is no other way around, as much as we want to find one. And in order for us to move forward, we must remove our grip off these things.
Hey girl! I want you to do something for me. Is that ok? I want you to say this phrase out loud – ‘I am loved.’ Now could you repeat it again? Nice! One last. Perfect! It’s one thing to know and another to understand that you, out of all the people in this world, are loved. Hopefully towards the end, we could come to an understanding of this phrase, I am sure there would be a realization that will blow your mind and will warm your hearts.
Recently struggling in the self-control department, I asked God for help on how would I bear this fruit and fortunately for me He answered right away – and it is by immersing myself in His word, daily. Having realized this I immediately opened my bible application and tried catching up on my reading plan (-s, yes I have many. Lol!)
I saw this post to make a “reaction paper” about your past relationship(s). Believe it or not, it is actually a wise advice. The truth is, I actually did that (long long long time ago). Yup, I wrote something that reflected who I am during the relationships. I scrutinized myself (I am harsh to me). I looked upon my own mistakes, reflected upon it and most importantly prayed to God. I contemplated on what should be changed, what should be learned and what should be enhanced.
I admit asking the world how.
Believe me or not, my desperation led me Google-ing this phrase a lot of times during “The Dark Ages of 2016” (lol, our official title just like The Choking Hazard of 2015). Sadly, the answers I got are not that useful (well in my opinion), as I was expecting a straightforward answer that tells you what to do from the first day until the nth day in order to survive. I was looking for answers to mend the broken heart, unfortunately what I got just made me feel more broken and lonely.
I can’t sleep — I thought it was just my brain getting so active cause I’ve written so much today. I guess I’m here again, hiding my deepest, intimate feelings. Hiding the fact that I will miss you, Tatay. Oficially, and unfortunately, we have no grandparents left in this world. We will miss you terribly. I just want to remember you all, this day. Somehow, express my utmost gratitude.
Dear Future Husband,
Honestly, there are moments I feel impatient, and today is one of those moments. Impatient for you to come and find me. It is a struggle that, without God’s help, will make me insane — as each day without you goes by. At times I’m good by myself — I enjoy my own company; laugh at my own jokes, carry on with my own life. But there are moments when I pray and hope I could talk to you — you know, have deep and grown up conversations about life. But then I remembered something I read — might be a passage in a book or a social media post— about while you are preparing/building yourself, it is best to maintain a non-romantic relationship and let you grow and mature until you are ready. Seeing that we are not yet together, maybe you are still preparing yourself. I could only wish you were here. I could only wish I could talk to you. I could only wish I know you. That is why, my love, for your own good, and mine as well, I will let you focus on building yourself up than to pray on hastening your preparation. Until then, for your own good, I’ll wait. For your own good, I’ll prepare and position myself. Know that even now, I love you and I will try my best, with God’s grace, to protect you of my selfish desires.
Your Future Wife